he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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