someone get that fucking seahorse.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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