I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
