you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
