just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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