My sheets look like a crime scene.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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