remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just invented taco cereal.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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