Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
