Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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