I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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