She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
