the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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