Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
