I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
