Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
