Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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