Already got asked if we're dating
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
