just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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