oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
