A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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