Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
