I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
