I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
