and you said cock pushups were impossible
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
