Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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