What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
