maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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