Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
