I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize