I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
