Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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