You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
