your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
