So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
