the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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