I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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