I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
