I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
