it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh god it's open bar.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
