Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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