So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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