In America we eat man semen.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
