It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
