I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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