The maid of honor just puked.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't just leave with hair like that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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