Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
