Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
