just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
