In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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