question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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