if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
