I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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