I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
