FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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