I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have aggressive nipples.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
