So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
