You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
