For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
