Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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