Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
