Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
