I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
