Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
