so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
