Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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