I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
