my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
