you would pick up someone in the library
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
