he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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