If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
