A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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