Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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