I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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