i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drake has all the answers
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
