apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
