I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
