batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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