if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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