he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
