Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
