Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
